Logos

Hudson and Leila were not healed.

Leave your cliches at the door, please.  Going to heaven by dying is not being healed.  Yes, in pop Christian culture, heaven is where we go to escape this tough life.  In Christian theology, however, heaven is that state in which God resides above and beyond this world.  It's also available to those here on earth, the reality of being with God.  Heaven isn't being healed.  Hudson and Leila died.  They were not healed.  Millions, if not billions, of prayers went unanswered as they left our arms.

What, that doesn't tick you off even just a little?

I've been more than ticked off.

If you've read my post about grief, you know I was pretty angry over the last many years -- first that my absolutely perfect little Boog was diagnosed with a rare, genetic disease; then finding out it is fatal; then finding out our precious and spunky Lei Lei also had it; then watching them suffer through losing every developmental milestone they had ever gained; then watching them lie there like babies, unable to be the fully grown kids they should have been,  Then those dreaded days came all too soon, August 28 and October 12, 2014.  They were gone.  No amount of praying "worked."  God said, "No," and they were gone.

Please leave your cliches at the door.  They weren't healed.  They died.

So, what's the point of Jesus healing in the New Testament?  I've been so mad at Jesus, not because He chose not to heal Hudson and Leila (yeah, right) but because there are so many unanswered prayers for healing, even in the New Testament.  What, you haven't read about those?  Of course not.  What about the women bleeding all of their lives that no one mentioned...you know, the friends of the one who was healed?  And the parents who were standing over graves bawling while Jairus' daughter danced through the streets after being raised from the dead...did they not ask God to heal their little ones?  And do you think the Centurion's servant was the only one who was sick?

I've been so ticked.  What about them?  Where are their stories of heartache and disappointment?

Last weekend, I was at a retreat, a much-needed time away to hear truth-telling about the God I say I serve.  I walked into that retreat, as I walk into each day, with anger and hurt and questions and grace.  Friday night, Jo Saxton was talking about something seemingly unrelated to my pain, but she opened my eyes to a new way of viewing these healings in Scripture.  She was talking about how Jesus is the logos, the connection between God and man Who embodies God's fullness so we can see God in full reality.  To the Greeks, the logos was that thing, that reality, that brings chaos to order.  The logos was true and perfect connection, true reality.  Jesus was proclaimed in John 1 as The Word, The Logos.  He was this reality the Greeks so vividly described.  This I knew.  This idea, this historical context, this passage.  In fact, it's my favorite recounting of the Christmas story.  We read it every year as a family instead of the traditional Luke account.  I even had a barn wood sign made of it, thanks to my friend Barbara at Second Time Around.

"The Word became flesh and dwelt among us."

The point Jo was making was that this very Logos came and blew all their expectations out of the water.  What they thought God looked like was far from True Reality.  Reality - Jesus - The Word made Flesh - This Logos was a servant of all, humbling Himself even to death, and a dear friend of sinners.  He brought chaos (non-reality) to order (reality), and He purposely came to prove that God sits among the prostitutes, thieves, miscreants, and the ostracized.  Jesus' people aren't pretty or put-together.  They're messy, imperfect, and desperate.

Okay, okay, so what does this have to do with Hudson and Leila not being healed?  Follow me here: if Jesus is the Logos, this reality that brings order to chaos, and He purposely came to sit among the prostitutes, thieves, miscreants, and ostracized...then His healings had to be making the same point, right?  His whole point for being the Logos in the Flesh, for dwelling among us, was to make God accessible to the outcast, the broken, the messy.  He restored (brought from chaos to order) those whom society had rejected.  He accepted them as friends, and he was God in Flesh to them.  Jesus went so far as to tell us this was our job as well.  We aren't here to build pretty buildings, wear WWJD t-shirts (I'm dating myelf!), or make up really bad hip-hop routines to the latest and greatest in Christian rock.  We aren't even here to take mission trips or sit in church or have tons of Christian friends.  While all these things are good (unless that routine is awful, which...praise be...),

WE ARE HERE TO LOVE BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT JESUS DOES.  LOVE IS REALITY.

And, so, if everything Jesus did pointed to this reality of love, then His healings did as well.  His healings were not proof He could heal but proof that He would TOUCH the untouchable, ACCEPT the unaccepted, LOVE the unloveable, and RESTORE those who had been removed from society.

Hudson and Leila were touched, accepted, loved, and never disowned from community.  If anything, their short and gorgeous lives were clear examples of Jesus' love, humility, and restoration...maybe not physically, but spiritually and communally for sure!  Those children brought the unlikely together and the community closer.  They epitomized love and affection and joy in the midst of suffering, all things Jesus calls us to epitomize.  

THEY WERE LIVING AND DYING EXAMPLES OF LOGOS, OF REALITY.  Reality is a messy business.  Logos isn't black and white, neat and tidy, close the book - we're done.  IT JUST ISN'T.  And neither are my questions after their deaths.  And neither were their lives while they lived.  But they were God made flesh, showing me and you love and acceptance and warmth.  If they had been able, they would have sit at a table full of miscreants and laughed and entertained and been Jesus to them.  

I have this image of everyone surrounding the kids while they were passing from this life, and I can't help but admit we were a gangly lot of miscreants.

(Miscreants is an underused word, isn't it?!  Miscreants, miscreants, miscreants...I like it.)

Y'all, Jesus didn't have to heal my sister's babies to prove anything.  Their lives already proved it.  He  didn't need to show their community that they were loveable and acceptable.  We already knew it.  Their healings, as angry as it makes me, wouldn't have added to the testimony they lived and died.  Jesus' healings proved people were loved and accepted by Him; servants, women, sinners, children, the odd -- all people rejected in the Greek and Jewish cultures during which Jesus walked on this earth.  

Yeah, I'm still very hurt and sad.  I don't know when or if that will be completely healed in me.  Being healed of that pain may not add to Jesus' call on my life to bring acceptance to be a truth-teller and a restorer of the confusing.  As Jo summarized, Jesus is the Redeemer of your life and the Restorer of your purpose.  I've never know anyone as redeemed and restored as Hudson and Leila...have you?

Home Alone

Well, Mike got a phone call Monday afternoon! He has a temporary job!!! My emotions are all over the place about it. The following is my attempt to justify and process through some of them, so feel free to skip it. =)

• I'm relieved. I'm happy to know my husband doesn't have to look another man in the eye and say, "I'm currently looking for employment," when they ask him what he does.
• I'm happy. I have my home back to myself! =) I love my husband like crazy, and I love having him around...but 24/7 for four months...well, let's just say this temp job probably saved our marriage! (Just kidding...it's not been THAT bad!)
• I'm disappointed. It's so frustrating that it's a crap temp job that only pays what we're getting on unemployment! If him going to work isn't going to solve anything, then I'd rather have him home. (I understand that this directly spits at the previous point, but these are my emotions, y'all...they make no sense.)
• I'm angry. Why do we have to settle when we've worked so hard to be wise, to be smart, to get out of debt? Why must my husband work a job when he's got a calling? I want so much for him! I want him to be a financial planner already...why is God wasting time with this mundane stuff?!?! (Please, don't answer that.)
• I'm sad. I'm going to miss having Mike here to bond with Benjamin. He's become such a Daddy's boy. Between maternity leave and unemployment, Mike has been home half of Ben's life!! It will be hard to have him gone. PLUS...I've become VERY used to having another set of hands!! =)
• I'm irritated. At God. At Mike. At Me. At "the system." At how things just are. I don't need to explain myself on this point. There's private stuff that comes into play here, but just know, world, I'm irritated!!!

So, that's how I feel. That being said, today has been a GREAT day so far. I got up with Mike to make him breakfast and pack his lunch, encouraging note and all. It was nice to go back to this routine. I had about an hour of quiet before Benjamin woke up, so I actually got to do my Bible study this morning! (Tip: That's what happens when you don't sleep until your child's screaming wakes you up! This is new to me!) Benjamin woke up happy, we ate breakfast together, we played, we hung up laundry, we sat in time out a few times (Yes, we...I have to hold him down currently...sounds worse than it is...), we read books, we ate lunch (Well, I ate lunch...he threw green beans on the floor...), and now he's napping! It sounds perfect, but I was tired by 10:45! =)

That Answer Again...

I heard Him say it again today.
I hate it when He talks like that.
I ignored Him.

That's why I'm sitting here typing rather than sitting there with Him.

What good will that do me?
When He says that, I cringe, knowing my faith will be tried and I may not see what I'm seeking.
Why is that always the answer?
Can't He be a little more creative?
Why does praying turn me so quickly to that same answer over and over?

Maybe I've not done it, so He has to keep asking me...

I heard Him say it again today. He said, "Wait."

Dancers Who Dance Upon Injustice

This week’s Catalyst study really raised some issues within my heart about the church and its role (or lack of role) in the progression of social justice, both internationally and domestically here in the United States. Every Sunday morning we congregate in a lavish building geared toward our personal comfort, and we dress in our finest apparel believe that somehow a sport coat and a perfect crease in our slacks is the way to honor God.

Are we so blinded by the masquerade of (c)hurch that we are losing sight of what it means to be the (C)hurch?

James 1:27 - Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Psalm 72: 12-14 - For he will rescue the poor who cry out and the afflicted who have no helper. He will have pity on the poor and helpless and save the lives of the poor. He will redeem them from oppression and violence, for their lives are precious in his sight.

Luke 4: 18-19 – “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor.”

Does my life give hope to the hopeless? Does anything I do work toward releasing the oppressed, preaching good news to the poor, redeeming the helpless from oppression and violence?

Why do we tolerate injustice?

Edmund Burke puts it best by saying, “All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.”

The opposite of love is not hatred, but apathy toward each other. I’m ashamed when I hear stories of homeless people coming to my (c)hurch and sitting all by themselves, receiving nary a touch or a handshake from anyone in the congregation. Sure, he may have a bit of an odor to us, but the stench of our apathy is all the more putrid and rank to the nostrils of God.

I pray that God would give us a truly passionate spirit to preach good news to the poor and the downtrodden, care for the widow, adopt the orphan as our own, and embrace a homeless man’s body odor as the fragrance of life.

What can we do to purge ourselves of this apathy?